You did the reading. You're rehearsing the conversation. But something still feels off.
There's nobody in your immediate world you can ask out loud. You may have a vocabulary by now. Ethical non-monogamy, open relationship, polyamory. And you may also feel none of those words quite fit you. The aesthetic is wrong. The communities feel like another planet. The advice online assumes you live a kind of life you don't live.
you're here for a reason
Maybe it was a passage in a book that wouldn't leave you alone. A conversation overheard at dinner you couldn't stop replaying. A moment in your own relationship where something shifted, and you couldn't name what.
So the thought stays in your head. Some days louder, some days you can almost set it down. The same argument with yourself in the shower. The 2am loop. The way it shows up in the middle of an ordinary Tuesday and you have to keep your face still.
The thought that won't leave you alone
WHAT YOU CARRY
The thought that won't leave you alone
From the outside, your life looks like it's working. And still.
There's nobody in your immediate world you can ask out loud.
The thought stays in your head. The 2am loop. The way it shows up on an ordinary Tuesday and you have to keep your face still.
Someone who has been there personally, and works there professionally. Someone who has made all the mistakes so you don't have to. Coaching, writing, and community for the questions that don't fit your kitchen table. Private, professional, here to help you hear yourself clearly enough to know what you actually want.
Someone who has been there personally, and works there professionally. Someone who has made all the mistakes so you don't have to. No judgment, supportive resources, disconnected from your daily life, with the sole intention to help you design the relationship that is most aligned for you.
A trusted guide in a safe space to explore what this looks like for you.
A trusted guide in a safe space to explore what this looks like for you.
shed the load
Available for podcasts, interviews, and writing on ethical non-monogamy in conservative environments. The relationships people live quietly.
press + media
Small-group sessions on jealousy, communication, and the agreements that need re-opening.
events + workshops
Private coaching for people in or considering ethical non-monogamy, in any configuration.
relationship coaching
Let's Work Together
service offerings
What clients say
testimonials
— "a"
"Victoria is a god-send. Navigating the complexity of modern relationships is such a challenge and Victoria's expertise, presence, vibe and coaching container is such a helpful part of this process. She is super professional, forward thinking and it really feels like she cares. I only wish I had found her coaching sooner since it would have saved me so much heartbreak as I navigated the world of polyamory!"
— "michael p"
"Had a great conversation with Victoria, feel motivated and excited! Thank you very much 🙏"
— "JJ"
"My partner and I were at crossroads. Our relationship philosophies didn't align. Victoria is kind, empathetic, and easy to open up to. She made me feel heard and supported without any pressure or judgment. I appreciated the practical advice and simple, realistic tips she gave me. She helped me take small but important steps forward. What stood out the most was how present and thoughtful she was throughout the entire process. I'm really glad I had her support, and I'd definitely recommend her to anyone looking for guidance with mindset work, emotional blocks, or relationship dynamics."
"Victoria offers such a practical approach. She is very attentive and gentle and helped me put words to difficult situations and conflicting emotions. Her detailed coaching notes were helpful and I return to them often. She helped me stay motivated towards necessary change and foster hope where things got stuck."
"Victoria has lovely energy. Immediately, she put us at ease, understood our needs and helped us immensely. We highly recommend her."
- Google review
- Couple, Google review
— "A"
Ethical non-monogamy (ENM) is the umbrella term for relationships where people have more than one partner, by agreement and with everyone informed. Open relationships, polyamory, relationship anarchy, and other arrangements all live under it.
On paper it sounds like a system of agreements. In practice it's mostly the slow work of staying honest with yourself and the people you love. Especially when honesty costs something.
Coaching for Love
Beyond the Familiar
WHAT IS ETHICAL NON-MONOGAMY?
"Ethical" implies monogamy is the default ethical state, and that non-monogamy needs a qualifier to count. Monogamy can be unethical too. Plenty of monogamous relationships are.
Instead of ethical, I prefer "consensual." It names the practice without ranking it against monogamy. Everyone knows. Everyone agreed. People keep choosing the relationship out loud.
Ethical
Non-Monogamy
WHAT MAKES IT ETHICAL?
I'm a relationship coach for people exploring ethical non-monogamy and open relationships. Based in Amsterdam, working online across the US, UK, and Europe. I specialize in cross-cultural couples, immigrants, and people whose family of origin doesn't quite share their current life. I came to this work from a conservative background. That's why most of my clients do too.
Coaching is the center of the practice. Around it: writing, public speaking, and a course for therapists who want to be ENM-competent without learning at their clients' expense.
My background is in art direction, where I learned to notice what stays hidden beneath the surface.
My own experience in non-monogamy showed me both halves of it. How alive love can feel when it's honest. How lonely it can feel when the structure has outpaced the conversation.
I don't prescribe how relationships should look. My work is helping people hear themselves inside them.
Hi, I'm Victoria
ETHICAL NON-MONOGAMY expert
Discover what coaching can do for your relationship.
book your discovery call
Most sessions are online, with clients in many different countries.
Do I need to live in Amsterdam?
Individual sessions $120 USD.
4-session container $440 (with WhatsApp access).
12-session quarterly $1,200 (full concierge access).
Online, in English and Russian. VAT applies depending on location.
How much does coaching cost?
It's a short conversation where we look at what's happening in your relationship and whether coaching might help. It's also a chance for you to see if my approach feels right for you.
What happens during the discovery call?
Both. Some people come alone, because they want to think something through before bringing it to a partner. Others come as a couple, to work on jealousy, agreements that need re-opening, or the questions ENM brings up that the books don't quite answer.
Do you work with individuals or couples?
Often it's a moment when something in the relationship feels unsettled. That might be opening a relationship, working with jealousy, renegotiating an agreement, or figuring out whether the structure still fits.
WHAT DO PEOPLE COME TO COACHING FOR?
Most people reach out while they're still figuring it out. Coaching can help you slow down, hear what you're actually feeling, and decide whether ethical non-monogamy is something you want to pursue.
WHAT IF WE'RE STILL FIGURING OUT IF ENM IS RIGHT FOR US?
FAQs
No. Therapy looks at the past, how you got here, what shaped you. Coaching looks at the present, what's stuck right now, what to do about it. Many of my clients are also in therapy. The two work well in parallel; one isn't a substitute for the other.
IS COACHING THE SAME AS THERAPY?
After every session, you get a working doc with summaries, takeaways, and any exercises that came up. Every fourth session includes a short pattern analysis. The doc is yours to keep. You can share it with your therapist, your partner, or no one at all.
